Science, yeah science is amazing, but not to me though cause I am sick of waiting. I’ve been patient. I really have. I’ve been reasonable, now it’s time to say what I’ve needed to.
Dear Science, cheers for the iPods, whitegoods, yeah, thank you for the cyborgs. Top work on the light bulb that was quite cool - but where’s my hoverboard?
I mean I know you’ve been busy, but no hoverboards just seems a bit piss weak. I gotta brand new computer & a big screen. I guess Back To The Future was a dick tease, Geez & I cant be the only one or maybe everyone forgot but I am holding on, the hovercraft was a solid start shoulda stuck with it hoverboard, where the fuck is it?
Robots doing jobs that we don’t want. Botox women looking more like robots. It’s so odd everybody’s getting nose jobs looking more like aliens with our clothes off. Hold up, I just had a new thought. What if UFO’s are just us from the future coming back in time to sight see, or might be to snatch women? Tell em’ to bring some hoverboards back with em’
When I was a kid I nearly threw a fit I gotta skateboard(shit), I was furious
like…what’s the deal? What the hell my sposed to do with this?
It’s got wheels, yeah I can’t gleam the cube with this?
Science’ll sort it out hopefully
I don’t wanna roll along the ground like a nobody.
I wanna soar upon a board made of pure science.
I am still saving up my dollars for a hoverboard.
You can take a jet pack when the jets packed a rocket with a chest strap seems like a death trap so…. forget that, just gimme the damn hoverboard & I won’t have to do another monologue.
The other day I drew a little rough design on a serviette so now all you have to do is make it work & shit. Just get some magnets & a piece of wood & glue em on but I’m not trying to tell you people how to do your job. Just keep the drawings & I’ll be back in the morning to check whether you’re dawdling you’re sure to win awards for it. The most awesomest idea since the Delorian be sure to try to make one to travel over water with & yeah I thought I saw ‘em on ‘Beyond 2000’ , I’m pretty sure that we’re beyond that now man. I know I’m rambling but fucking hell science I just want a hoverboard before I’m too old to ride it
They bombarding us with long articles about the Hadron collider trying to find the god particle & everybody’s arguing about whether or not to clone people or keep it to farm yard animals, shit.
Double ‘em up triple ‘em fuck the discipline grab a bunch of rabbits & slap all the lipstick on them you want yeah! Maybe some high heels to match that’s what playing god is for….hoverboard
I just wanna let you know you let me down
When I was just a kid at a tender age
I was thinking bout tomorrow & them better days but now
I just wanna let you know you let me down
I’m pretty sure she said something like “Seth you don’t listen enough”
I said “yeah, maybe you’re right - I can’t help it my mind drifts off & I’m not really here anymore but I’ll try”.
She said, “While we’re here on the subject, I wanna know why you haven’t grown up yet”.
I said “Don’t be upset, but I really didn’t hear a fucking word that you just said”.
They said I’m disconnected. That’s cool my friends are too though.
Can’t hear a word you’re saying. We watch it all just float away.
I see ‘em all coming my way & now they wanna take my time
I could tell ‘em what’s on my mind or I could just float away
I am a boy in a bubble. I am a boat in a bottle.
I would love to be here right now but I’m not. I am anywhere else.
I am gone.
They live life like there aint no tomorrow. I live life like there aint no today.
All around me they beg, steal, borrow, as they quarrel I just float away.
I am gone.
Ground control to Major Tom, you can’t keep being weird pal.
I’m a grown up yeah, I gotta beard now.
I gotta job now. I gotta roster gots to make the boss proud.
He said, “When you’re done cleaning glasses make sure that you mop & the bar’s swept”.
I said, “Don’t be upset, but I really didn’t hear a fucking word that you just said”.
Hey yo I never really felt like I know much about being grown up, I am hopeless.
Highschool I would hang with the stoners, yeah I guess it prolly takes one to know one.
I still spend a lot of time on my lonesome & money’s still tight can you loan some.
They say I’m disconnected, yeah I just might be but all my friends are just like me.
Told a girl I wanted to be a rapper.
Made her laugh she told me I was a crack up.
We were sitting on the grass in backyard next day faded drinking wine from a jam jar.
I said, “I don’t have the keys to a car yet, but I gotta bag of weed & a sunset”.
She said, “Don’t be upset, but I really didn’t hear a fucking word that you just said”.
My life is like a movie with a twisted plot.
David Fincher mixed in with some Lynch & Frost.
I’m in the Black Lodge with a midget, sipping scotch,
crackpot every Agent Cooper has a bit of Bob.
Yo I just had to let my twin speak,
my inner geek turn the fucking beef to minced meat
You must be uninformed trying to go against me
You playing the game but getting half the picture like a split screen
Fuckin’ haters on some Tusken raider type behaviour.
Trust me they’ll be back in greater numbers later
On my nuts so much I may just need a custom tailor. Fuck it what do they know?
Just get off my case sir see I’m from a place that none vacate to.
I keep my flow sharp ready for the next track
I keep a crowbar handy for them head crabs
I feel I’m so far ahead I’ll never get back
Jet pack check the burn marks on my air max
Nobody come wake me up, me up ‘til the sun has gone down, till the sun has gone down
Nobody come wake up, me up
Nobody come round here, nobody come round
Don’t you know, don’t you know,
I don’t set no alarm and that’s the vacation
Don’t you know, don’t you know,
gonna turn the world off cause that’s my vacation
Hey yo I only play the games that I win at win at
uh give me a minute mum, I’m almost finished.
I’ve been the same since the 8-bit
I’m basically trying to make every rapper rage quit
Fun fact: When I was just a rug rat my life was like a car crash, drugs had me spinning like a hub cap
Scumbag take acid like a xenomorphic blood bank
One tab & we could all be trippin’ like we’re clumsy
Hope you got your lunch packed ‘cause I cant tell you when we come back
All personnel clear the launch pad
The potty mouth most of y’all forgot about
They acting like my buzz was a bee up in their bonnet now
My cologne is eau de rocket fuel
Pants full of pebbles move the planet by the pocketful
Hi there! I am high enough to take you sight seeing
I’m flying over bat country by a kite string
Gets up early wakes up late breakfast served on same old plate
Press that shirt then razor face, pet shop birdie break that cage
Bet your survey says no way cause desk is sturdy paper aint
4:20 flight to catch I might not be back
Now welcome to the mansion where the rats are rampant, cracks in the plaster the carpet hasn’t been vacuumed here for at least the last ten years, the idea’s so hard to imagine
The mansion, dark & it’s stagnant. Part of the charm yeah the garbage is stacked up. Smells like a landfill, ants in the trash-bin, excuse the mess but it’s cleaner than it has been.
Where no one ever has rent. Where no one ever has no food so they snatch it. Buy a loaf of bread & try go to bed & wake up to some crumbs & a tantrum.
Yeah, that’s the mansion. That’s the rats nest where I hang my hat yes.
That’s the address where the bills are sent & ignored, it could all be yours.
I gotta room for rent.
I’m about to kill somebody, I’m about to lose my head.
Can’t find my socks and the rooms a mess, it’s all good, when you thinking about moving in? I gotta room for rent.
Last week we had a break-in again. They came in and went, it’s crazy ‘cause they didn’t take anything. They must have felt bad for the way that we live ‘cause they left 20 bucks sticky taped to the fridge. I guess there’s really nothing to steal when half the furniture here has been built out of milk crates. Nothing works & the place is a real state. We ain’t Bill Gates, that’s why the bills late. That’s why the Real Estate hates us.
We get dirty looks from our neighbours
We get noise complaints from our neighbours
We get internet from our neighbours
Pull a crate up & make with the payment - yeah it’s part of the contract that you ain’t getting none of your bond back, but you can move in whenever suits you best. I gotta room for rent.
Okay look, lemme give you some ground rules to help you to deal with a house full of scoundrels;
You gotta learn how to lie, learn how to steal food & cover it up to survive. Remember, if there’s no name then you eat it but if it’s gotta name on then eat it but keep it a secret.
You gotta think like a genius.
It’s easier to throw away than clean it.
The shower works well though it smells gross. You ought to not get the water in your mouth though
& always try to keep your soap & your towel safe unless you wanna get close to your house mates.
Bin night is on Monday, or maybe Sunday, we just chuck it by the front gate & always try to pay rent a month late. It’s tradition.
Quick I gotta room for rent
Be careful with your housemates before you try to fill a square hole with a round shape. On the one hand there’s low rent, on the other you’ll wonder where most of your clothes went. It’s simple the house is a fish bowl.
The wow factor, wow what a shit hole
The mansion. I just came to say goodbye ‘cause he room for rent was mine….
Step One: Wake up but my brain won’t. Chain smoke. Worry bout the stuff that I don’t have.
Step Two: Work a job that I hate. Let the day burn, gotta earn the money that I owe back.
Step Three: Turn the screen on, stare at it, worry ‘bout all the things I gotta get done.
Step Four: lie awake in a sheer panic ‘tll I fall asleep.
Then repeat step one.
I guess if I was honest, I wanted for something more but ignored it & now the thought of it sorta just seems far fetched.
I was bought up & taught I should just be normal cause boredom’ll help afford all the mortgage on this apartment.
Yeah my home, my apartment, hardwood floors, white walls nice armchairs, large bed IKEA.
All 500 hundred square feet of proof I’m a success.
No kids. No partners. No darn pets. No time. Only friends are in past tense.
The neighbours upstairs never stay up past ten. I feel passed tense, yeah the stress is constant.
I’ve never travelled the world I was delayed. I got a Japanese sword I bought off e-bay. I got the best TV on the market, at night I watch a high def pixelated sunset.
News flash interruption, something about the undead…fuck this I was trying to watch something.
Hit the off button, I got things I gotta get done.
Now repeat step one.
Where was I? Prolly caught up in this head of mine.
A pair of cartoon eyes with the dollar signs so I don’t really notice shit going on at times.
So while the living & the dead - they were swapping sides - I was occupied, thinking about my job & what I wanna buy. It’s all my fault & I apologise.
I didn’t even notice there was something wrong ‘til I thought “Shit where has everybody gone”?
It’s like the thought made me wake up.
I look around the office every cubical was vacant. Put my coffee down man they must be all on break.
The first thought I had is “somebody’s getting a pay cut”.
Photocopier is screaming at me out of paper & there’s no one here to blame so I need to get some A4.
Hey yo this ain’t what I get payed for!
Then I see ‘em pouring in via the fire escape door.
It was a flood fulla teeth, face like a friend, eyes like a frozen fish, arms outstretched, shell made of suit & tie looking like upright death on it’s lunch break & it’s only Monday.
They came pouring in like a bull in a china shop.
Grabbed whatever items that I could find just to fight ‘em off.
Made it out the office not sure if I was alive or not but for the first time I was leaving work before 5 o’clock.
Made it home picked the phone up & tried to dial the cops, line was off. Meanwhile they’re filling up the entire block.
Outside door ain’t gonna hold ‘em with this tiny lock, I have gotta get it sealed up tighter than an iron vault.
Looked around to find something to use to barricade it, but it’s tougher to choose ‘cause all I see is price tags on the stuff in this room.
It’s too good for loose wood & a couple of screws.
I’m torn but what the fuck for? Worried bout my uninsured stuff while the dead are clawing at the front door.
It’s just a chair just a table, these four fucking walls were my life I won’t let ‘em be my grave too.
Go to ‘Plan B’: turned the oven on let the gas leak, grabbed the canned feed from the pantry put it in a bag with a canteen like I’m going camping.
Reached for the antique sword from the wall, heard the stampede burst through the door.
Struck a match lit the lounge suite, climbed to the balcony, dead hands trying to grab me.
As I scaled down three, stories to the firm ground…
…watch it all burn down
Hey, I said where was you when the dead come walking?
They never knew where they came from.
They couldn’t figure what the strain was.
It was chaos.
Baton down the hatches & fuel up the chain-saws.
Step One: Wake up in a new world. No fixed abode, I scavenge & I move on.
Step Two: Every day I manage a few blocks. Streets full of teeth so I travel by the rooftops.
Step Three: Keep my mind & my sword sharp. Try to help survivors but always check ‘em for bite marks.
Step Four: Try to stay alert at all times. Surrounded by death but I never felt more alive.
10 years doing something I hate Psssh. What a waste what a fucking mistake. Too long I’ve been stuck in this place rusting away for what?
Believe it or not, I’m leaving my job this evening. No reasoning could lead me to budge, soon as I clean this coffee machine then I mean it I’m off.
Meeting the boss pulling up a seat in his office & confessing there’s something that we need to discuss.
I’ll be like…”no amount of money’s even enough, I can’t be a waiter no more man it’s eating me up & I apologise dearly if it’s seeming abrupt.
You’re getting dumped & being on the receiving end sucks.
Look, I’d love to give you two weeks to a month but two minutes more of this & I’ll completely erupt. So I’ll just leave now, cheers but hospitality sucks & by the way I always thought you were an arrogant cunt”.
Hey man I can’t take it anymore, I’m sick of spending forty hours working in a restaurant but I’m forever poor. I’m sick or reading bad spelling on the specials board & people telling me there screw top red was corked.
I’m sick of bartenders flaring every drink they make, dinner plates so hot I need my fucking skin replaced.
I’m sick of when they say “savings more like spendings aye” when they pay then they try to split the bill a million ways.
I’m sick of getting spray & drenched when I change a keg.
I’m sick of management behaving like they’re David Brent.
I’m sick of David Gray getting played daily at every single cafe I’ve ever waitered at baby, ye yo.
Shitty staff meals, large bills, no tips, bars always busiest the minute that it’s last drinks, dinner rush, customers complaining like I give a fuck, decaf skinny weak mocha lattes in a mug.
I never thought I’d be doing something this boring this pointless & unimportant it’s not how I was bought up.
It’s like I just got caught up in all this, honest to god it’s the oddest thing when a job can just transform from supporting & funding your life to becoming your life & all of a sudden it’s like awesome I’m 25 & I’m poor as.
It’s bulldust I’m tired of taking orders, it’s the sort of stuff you do as a uni student for four years. It’s been ten or more just the thought of it makes me nauseous. It’s awful. I’m so exhausted I surely am looking forward to squashing my uniform in a ball & then toss it all in the bottle-bin as I’m walking out tall into unemployment.
Like so long, so long to the job & all the customers too.
That’s right, don’t you think that I forgot about you.
All the stories I could tell of things I’ve done to your food.
If you don’t know how I feel to dream the dream of a lifetime, and it becomes real.